What Am I Doing with My Life?

There are mid-terms to be taken, homework to be completed, essays to be written, papers to be researched, applications to be filled out, and general work to be done. So obviously, it’s time to write a blog.

I am so jealous of my older brother. Like color me green with envy, he is awesome. Today he left the house to VOLUNTARILY teach a health class at our old MIDDLE SCHOOL. Shoot me, seriously? Middle schoolers gross/creep me out. For real, they creep me out. I have no clue how to handle that awkward stage of life, and my brother is so great with them. He’s great with all ages. How does that happen? It’s not fair, like I would kill to be like him. He loves them and they love him. I wish I was that good with them – or any age range but I’m not. Like I try to relate and be fun and stuff and I just can’t do it. I love kids – adore them but I can’t seem to connect with them. I don’t know – it’s not fair, but I love watching him get super pumped about working with them – so maybe I shouldn’t be jealous. That’s his gift after all…right? God chose to give me other gift(s), right? I hope so.

Which leads me to my next questions, what exactly are my gifts? Apparently God gives all of us gifts and talents that He wants us to use to further His kingdom. So why do I feel like I’m completely useless. This is not me throwing a pity party, this is me asking a seriously questions. I’m not very good at school, sports, music, being a leader, being a sister, daughter, niece, cousin, granddaughter, friend, or co-worker. So why am I here? Obviously, God has a plan for my life. He says multiple times through the Bible that we are called with a plan and a purpose that He specifically designed us for. Yeah, I get it, my ultimate purpose is to glorify, praise, and show Him to others through my life – but how? I’m not looking for the church-y answers by “worshippng” or “going to church” or that stuff. I mean like for real. How does He want me to serve Him, to love Him, to worship (not the ‘church’ sense of the word). How does He want me to show Him to the world?

So I guess the real question is back to my original question that I ask my self allllll the time. What am I doing with my life? That’s why I’m jealous of my brother because he knows what he wants. My mom always knew what she wanted to do, so did my grandparents. It’d be super great for times like this if my dad were still here because then I could be like “hey, did you always know what you wanted to do?” and if he didn’t at least I wouldn’t feel so weird. Like I’m doing it wrong because I don’t know what I want to do. I know I’m not alone in this thought, but sometimes I feel like I am. I look around the coffee shop at all the people who look like they have their lives together, and I wonder if they really have it all together. Do they really know what they’re doing or are they faking it til they make it? Have they always had it together or did they flounder around in college like I am, trying to figure out what they’re doing with their life?

With all of this being said – God, if you want to shoot me a tweet, comment, phone call, text, carrier pigeon, flare, you know – anything. I’m listening. I promise. Or at least I promise I’m really really really trying. Pinky promise, kiss it.

-S

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