Christmas and New Years has come and gone, and tomorrow starts the beginning of the end. Tomorrow I have 3 meetings, a couple of loose ends to (hopefully) tie up, and books to pick up. Tuesday, I hit the ground running for my last semester as an undergraduate… Let that sink in for a minute. I mean really, really, sink in. It’s fine… I’ll wait.
I know. It’s completely crazy. In just 4 short (very short) months, I will be walking across the stage in the convocation center, and graduating with a college degree. This is one of those moments growing up that I figured would happen, but now that it’s practically here… It seems surreal. Much like most of the past 3 years have felt. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing.
With the New Year comes a reflection on the previous year. As I look towards 2013, I can’t help but look back at 2012. I made mistakes… A ton… And by a ton I mean I made a ton of mistakes every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day. Literally. I look at everything that happened at the beginning of 2012. So much has changed since this time last year. Starting in February, it was a completely downward spiral between my social life, my academics, and my family February – May was more than I could handle, or so I thought. With my grandmothers death in March, for the entire 14 days I was in the hospital with her, I truly thought I wouldn’t survive her death. There were many, many, nights I laid on the couch in her room and cried because I had no idea what to do without her. But now, almost a year later, I look at what her death showed and reminded me. It showed me that God will provide when you feel hopeless. He will carry you when you absolutely cannot bear to move. He will put people and family in your life for a reason. He reminded me that, although it felt like it, her death was not the end. If anything, it was the beginning for her. Her funeral was not the last time I would see her. Temporarily, sure, but not permanently.
I also look at where I was over the summer. I backed out of working at camp because I felt it necessary to stay home with my mom and grandpa. I didn’t have a steady job, but I did have work. My mom and I took a lot of time this summer to heal and asses after the semester. Donald went off to camp, and for him, I think that was how he needed to heal and deal with the semester after everything happened. For me, I needed to be home with my family and with very close access to water. I am so grateful for this summer because it helped me process and deal with my grandmothers death, and start preparing for a life without her physical presence on earth. It also helped me get my life in perspective on what I am being called to do. It helped me realize who I want to be.
I look back on the major events of last year and who I was then. I look at who I became over the year, and I think about the person I am still becoming. Do I want to be that person? I think so. If I look at the person I was on January 6, 2012 and compare her to the person I am now… I am much stronger, happier, and able to handle what life throws at me. But is this person prepared to face as big of a change as graduating from college? Is she capable of handling graduate school, or a full time job? Or both? Is she ready to handle growing up, taking on even more responsibilities, and start making a life for herself? Apart from the shelter of her mother?
I don’t know if this correlates or not, but in Philippians 2, it talks about how we become more like Christ. In verses 4 – 7 it says:
“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men”
I think this is a good way to approach the new year. With all of my fear about the aforementioned future, in order to face them as I am meant to, I should view them as Jesus would. Taking on daily life and challenges seeing them through his eyes. Only then can I grow as a more Christ – like person, into the person I am truly meant to be.