I’m supposed to be studying for finals, but this has been bothering my for almost a week now so I feel the need to do something about it. Also, thank you (the 2, maybe 3 of you) for allowing me to use this (and you by extension) as a means of confession. I hear it’s good for the soul, so that’s what you’re about to get.
Last weekend at Caswell, there were over 100 youth grades 6 through 12 there for an amazing weekend to grow closer together and learn more about themselves, each other, and God. I had a group of 9th and 10th graders who were sweet kids. One of our lessons was on “Whatever is Pure” using the theme verse for the week of Philippians 4:8. We talked about it more from the stand point of why it’s important to live a pure life, and why it’s important to rid yourself (to the best of your ability) of the things that keep you from God. From the beginning I didn’t want to plan this lesson because frankly I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to tell them things that I know are hard, and that I can’t even do myself. But I pushed those thoughts out of my head and planned my lessons, and went on with the weekend. Which was a great weekend.
However, from that weekend I’ve had this annoying thought running through my head since then. I’ve been more aware of it, people have mentioned it, I’ve heard it in music, had Bible verses running through my head. You name it, it’s happened. This is nothing earth shattering, or grand revelation, just something I think I’m ready to admit and fix.
I am a prideful person. There is not one humble bone in my body. If you actually know me, this is nothing new and you’re probably thinking “well duh” and yes I know I have pride, but I’m just now willing to be like “hey, this is probably an issue I should deal with” I’m not sure where it comes from honestly. I think I use pride as a mask because deep down, I’m not sure I believe it when I say things 90% of the time. Like, I have a big bark, but my bite is pretty much non existent. If that makes sense.
I’m not sure where the pride comes from, but it definitely needs to go somewhere. I know through the Bible it talks about pride being a sin, and I know that, but I’m not sure how to make it stop or make it go somewhere.
So anyways, that’s my short and sweet thought. Prayers as I figure out how to approach this with God and that He walks me through it.